Punched in the face

We have amazing backyard neighbors.

Our backyards are linked by a rock wall and there is no fence so we can easily and literally

"drop in" on them at anytime.

They have a big playland/swingset that the kids love to play on and now a trampoline.

They have offered these things to our kids at anytime and the boys take advantage of it every chance they get.

It is so nice to have them so close.

They are great people and we have a lot in common.

The first day they got their trampoline, Cam was in heaven.

He absolutely loves their 8 year old daughter and their playland and now their trampoline.

He would probably live there if we let him.

So when I went to go tell him he had five more minutes until he needed to come home, you can imagine how upset he was with me.

He yelled out to me, "NO! NEVER!!" and ran to the trampoline.

It was about this time that I realized our neighbors had company over.

They were introduced as the wife's parents and we chatted for a sec.

I knew it was going to be a struggle to get Cam to come home, but now I was even more self-conscious because the neighbors AND their parents were out there watching.

After about five minutes, I went to the trampoline and talked through the safety net nicely telling Cam his time was up and to say goodbye.

He proceeded to bounce over to me and say,

"NO!"

and then PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!!!

This kid is pretty scrawny now,

so it didn't hurt at all but I was mortified because everyone saw it.

I crawled up the ladder, struggled in through the net and grabbed him to take him home.

He was even more upset that I was doing this and

PUNCHED ME IN THE STOMACH.

Now, I can honestly say that I have NEVER punched this child,

but I have not given him a lot of situations in where

I show by example how to control his anger.

He wiggled and kicked in my arms, yelling and trying to hit me again while I apologized to the amazing neighbors (who probably regret ever inviting us over) and said goodbye, all the while fuming with more anger building inside me every second from the thought of his defiance.

Cameron has an incredible habit of acting out in front of people,

especially when he thinks I won't discipline him with others around.

I try to be as calm and collected as I can but I have an inherited rage from somewhere that seems to be uncontrollable and sneaks up on me sometimes.

I have plenty disciplined him with people around,

but it is always with an overly sweet tone,

trying to control the rage.

It makes me even more upset to see him do stuff like this in front of people

because I know he knows better

and can make really good choices in other situations

yet chooses to act like this instead.

As soon as we were out of earshot,

all I could say was a whisper in his ear through my gritted teeth,

trying to push that rage monster back down,

"You are in SO. MUCH. TROUBLE."

emphasizing the "SO" with an angry squeeze.

I have to admit that I grabbed him a little more forcefully than I probably should have but

I. WAS. LIVID.

He has NEVER hit me at home, because he knows how he would go right into time-out, lose privileges and I would need to go on a ten mile hike to calm down.

So leave it to him to do for the first time in front of people!!

Back at home, I shoved him onto the stairs,

telling/yelling that he needed to calm down and had five minutes until he could get up.

Of course, I was the one who needed to calm down so I went into the other room and proceeded to breath in through the nose, out through the mouth, just like I tell him to do in time-out.

(You know that all those things we teach the kids to do to calm down when they're mad or do something naughty is really just reminding US what to do to calm down from having to deal with the behavior!)

Then, I had to keep reminding myself

that I needed to be a good example to him of what to do when you get upset.

Because I have to admit that I just wanted to punch the kid right back!

But I'm not a child and reminded myself that I teach him and show him how to act with everything I do.

After five minutes and then an added minute for not following the rules of time out

(he was screaming that he needed water the whole time and was not calming down),

I most calmly and educatedly (not WT) told him that what he did was not nice,

it didn't hurt me but it hurt my feelings,

that the neighbors saw him make a bad choice,

that their daughter saw him act like that and may not want to play with him again,

and that it was not the right thing to do, even though I know he was upset that he had to leave.

He apologized and I accepted but adding that he would not be able to go to their house again for the rest of the weekend (the next day was Saturday).

It was his first grounding.

If he could show me good choices all weekend, he could go earn back the privilege of going to their house and playing on Monday

but if he ever acted like that again when it was time to leave their house,

his punishment would double and he would lose four days of playing.

Hitting and yelling and being disrespectful was never ok.

(and here I had been yelling and being disrespectful to him earlier...

I swear I just lose it sometimes and don't think clearly).

The weekend went well (despite the incredible guilt I felt after seeing pinch marks on cam's arm) and we talked a few times about things he could do and say when it was time to leave their house the next time, even if he was upset to leave.

He seemed to be pretty convicted in making a better choice the next time, but we'll see.

You never know who will be around that he will try to show off in front of.

And tonight, when Rhett went out to try and spread more death to the fire ants on the hill,

the neighbors were out and saying hello.

Brenden went down and jumped with the kids

and Cam argued with me to no end to try and get me to say it was ok to go play.

He even just started to walk over to the wall to climb down, in total defiance,

but the threat of losing more days made him stop.

When he tried to make another argument

that he would only go for a second even after I had warned him to stop arguing,

I directed him straight toward the house to go right to bed

and the neighbors said goodbye to take their kids to bed, too.

They are such nice people.

And I am mostly writing this to remind myself not to be such a raging mother.

I can be calm and smart about how I discipline the kids.

Even if I get punched in the face.