Mother, May I Come Closer?

Don't we wish our children would just follow directions the first time? I know they're still young and they're learning, but I always welcome extra skills to help out in this area. So I was so glad to get a few ideas from a conference I went to in Bountiful with my friend Nicole.

One of the suggestions that the therapist had was to teach children to follow directions by playing a game called "Mother, May I Come Closer?" I thought I would share it here because I have found that it actually works wonders! Brenden asked to play it three times in a row the first time I introduced it and they both still ask me to play it all the time.

It is very similar to "Mother, May I" but has a bit of a twist...

You are the mother or father and you sit somewhere with the kids quite a distance away from you. Give them some kind of marker like a shoe or a water bottle or something to mark their place.

Start by explaining the rules of the game. One child starts by asking, "Mother, may I come closer?" You say, "Yes, you may, if you will _______?" and you fill in the blank by giving them a task of something you need done around the house like put away the blocks or pick up all the yellow toys or take out the trash or whatever. They can only come closer to you if they will complete the task a certain way.

They must #1. Say, "Yes, Mom (or Dad)," and do it right away.

#2. Do it fast and snappy (not slow and pokey).

#3. And they have to do it correct the first time.

They go back to their marker after they complete their task and ask again, "Mother, may I come closer?" The mom or dad reviews the task with them and goes over how they did it.

If they did the task the three ways, they get to take three big steps toward you or three bunny hops or three slide steps or whatever you decide. If they were slow and pokey but did it right away and correct the first time, then they get two giant steps forward and so on. You can award them according to how they did the task. Sometimes I even give half points or half steps. I do have to remind them to say, "Yes, Mom" because it's new to them to respond but it also teaches respect.

When they get close enough to touch you, they get some kind of reward. I usually give them two skittles or one Frootie or something they want but not too big. Each child does their task until they can touch you so each child earns a reward for their work. I also make the game work so that the room is completely clean by the end of the game.

The very first game, though, I would get them close to you fast so that they earn a reward quickly and get excited about the game and they will want to play another round. For my kids, it didn't take much and they wanted to play it all the time.

If they are reluctant to play or don't do the task well enough to earn any points, I would remind them again of the three ways they should complete the task and be sure the reward is something they really want. If it's not, find something else more motivating that is their favorite (stickers, cookie, sucker, etc).

The great thing about this game is that I can generalize it to any task I ask of them anywhere we are. They have practiced the skills and know what I expect of them. It's great to hear them say, "Yes mom!" and do it right away! Ok, Brenden usually does it but I always have to remind Cameron. But still, they do it! If we're not officially playing the game but they complete the task, I always give big hugs or high fives to especially thank them for following directions.

Another extension of the game is after you've played this version enough times that they are used to the game, after they ask, "Mother, may I come closer?" you say yes, if they will complete a task for you that they choose or ask them what task they would like to do for you. The therapist says it teaches kids empathy because they have to think of what you would want done and then they do it directly for you.

I think it is fabulous and has made a difference in how my kids complete tasks that I ask of them. I would be interested to hear how it works for other parents, though. Try it and let me know how it goes!