I have realized today that I have suffered long and heavy from the Nots. In fact, its been the exact disease that has kept me from blogging. I focus too much on the things that I'm not doing well at....
I am NOT...
keeping my house clean enough
keeping the yard up
pulling weeds
planting flowers
making nutritious dinners
making dinner every night
making dinner any night
having dinner parties
giving my kids enough attention
giving my husband enough attention
going on dates with my husband
staying home with my baby
nursing my baby anymore
finishing laundry when I start it
starting laundry
hanging up laundry
keeping the laundry room tidy
drinking enough green smoothies
making green smoothies
making enough money to buy produce to make green smoothies
losing this baby weight
exercising
running marathons
taking the baby on walks
fitting into my clothes
keeping my closet tidy enough to be finding clothes that fit me
doing my hair everyday
reading my scriptures
reading scriptures with my family
saying personal prayers
teaching my children to control their tempers
teaching my children to clean up after themselves
teaching my children anything
having enough patience
being spiritual enough
being a good neighbor
being a good mom
being a good wife
cleaning out the garage
cleaning the sink every night
cleaning the bathrooms often enough
mopping or sweeping often enough
having FHE every Monday
making treats for FHE
paying my bills on time
making enough money to pay bills
budgeting and making smart money decisions
getting out of debt
saving money
keeping my car clean
keeping the pantry organized
returning phone calls
finishing projects
sending out timely thank you cards
keeping up on my sleep
taking enough photos of my kids
making home video footage into movies
not starting the vlog I have been taking footage for
organizing my photos
making scrapbooks
BLOGGING ENOUGH...
You get the idea. I focus so much on the NOTS that I don't seem to notice all that I AM doing. What am I even doing? This has kept me in a haze for a long time and I realized today that all these NOTS have kept me in a depression for years. I need to turn this around. But how? I don't know. Is focusing on what I am doing, on the "Do's" enough?! My list of Do's is half that size probably. I don't even know where to begin...
And my baby is 9 weeks old. Is this maybe just how you feel after 9 weeks of giving birth? Overwhelmed? Frustrated? Hopeless?! School has helped me get back into a routine, but I'm afraid it also has shown me a lot of things I'm NOT getting done, even though I am doing so many things. Does that even make any sense? What a boring post! I am NOT entertaining or enlightening. Another sad NOT to add to the list...
2 comments:
DITTO! to every single thing you wrote. i am not even lying to try and make you feel better.
but it's okay, we are doing some things...do you get dressed every day? are your kids fed? they live in a house with a bed...and they know you love them. that is what is most important. so put a big smile on your face because you are loved. and at the end of the day that is all that matters.
and i love you too, even if you never return my phone calls ;)
Ahhh. It feels good to me to hear someone else has a giant NOT list. (Although I call mine the "I suck list".) A friend of mine always says, "We can do more to bring each other to Christ by admitting we can't do it all." I haven't talked to you in years-not your fault, mine- and yet somehow I still consider you a great friend. Add that one to you're "I'm super amazing list" cause that's what you are!
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