Strawberry Milkshake

I vaguely remember much from my childhood, but there was one time when I needed to take a massive horse pill for some sickness I had and I was having a difficult time swallowing it. I was probably 9 or 10 and you would think I would have the maturity to just swallow it and be done with it. But I couldn't do it. Not with a little bit of water and I couldn't do it with a LOT of water. My mom tried to coach me into not thinking so much about it, putting it at the back of my throat and just swallowing it! And then she came up with the idea to wrap it in a piece of bread, which you think would be such a good idea! I swallowed the bread fine and left the pill in my mouth. About this time, my mom was AN-GRY. She was so frustrated with me and I was crying because I was scared and frustrated, too, because why couldn't I just swallow it??

Cut to me 20 years later trying to get Cameron to take his "easy," "chewable," "pleasant-tasting" prescription of amoxocillin for his ear infections that we paid FIFTY-FIVE dollars for at Walmart this morning after rushing into the UN-PLOWED streets to get to the INSTA-CARE after a morning of intermittent shrieks and desperate, dramatic, painful cries that his "ear really, really hurts!"

The last time he had an ear infection - what was it...two WEEKS ago?? - I had asked a different Insta-care doctor (why are all of these sicknesses on the weekend?) for a SHOT of antibiotic because I had a child who, from birth, refused to take any form of "pleasant-tasting" medicine, despite the many drastic, sly, coercive, creative DESPERATE measures we had taken in attempts to heal his sicknesses with oral medication. After the buckets of tears and ear-shattering boo-hoo's that continued up to 45 minutes AFTER the shot (can you believe kids really whine "Boo-hoo"??), he sprawled on the couch and whined Scarlet Ohara style for at least the next hour when you would as much as LOOK at the place where he had gotten his shot. All the while, I was wringing my hands in delight, glorifying in this small victory and planning how to use this leverage at the next doctor's visit. He would forever resolve to sucking it up and dealing with oral medication from here on out. There was no way around it unless he wanted another shot, which I guarantee he didn't! He even talked for the next few days how he never ever wanted another shot again.

Why would I think that would be enough?

Here are the things I tried today to get him to take his medicine:

1. I let him pick out a TREAT that he would eat, each time he successfully took his medicine. The bag of cookies are still sitting untouched as we speak and did nothing to coerce him into taking his medicine.

2. I reminded him that grandma was going to get him a surprise if he took all of his medicine throughout the week (he had talked to her earlier on the phone). He loves surprises from Grandma! But...not enough to take his medicine.

3. I told him I would try it first and show him how great it tasted! He didn't buy that one for a second, even after the "pleasant" look on my face as I was munching on the chalky goodness.

4. I told him how fun it would be to make it a race and he only had to chew for 10 seconds and then he could shove a cookie in with it and make the other taste go away! This one was as lame as me trying it myself.

5. I got him a drink of anything he wanted, which turned out to be Sprite, and he could drink it all, the second he swallowed the medicine! I even had the straw standing by about 1/2 inch from his mouth. He NEVER gets soda on my watch, so this was a big deal...or so I thought - not enough to take his medicine.

6. I physically put the HALF of a tablet in his mouth and moved his jaw up and down with my hand. This caused him to gag, scream and spit it out.

7. I told him if he didn't take the medicine he would be put in a time out for not being a good listener!

8. While he was in time out, I warned him that he had better take his medicine or he was going right to bed!

9. While I was physically taking his limp body up the stairs to his bed, I told him that I was calling the doctor right away and getting a shot!

10. While he was screaming in his bed, I tried to hope that the "legacy" that I was leaving him was not an emotional AND physical aversion to doctors and medicine and I went in for tag team with Rhett.

11. After Rhett had done all of the above again AND physically put all 2 1/2 pills in his mouth, causing him to gag, dry heave and scream incessantly, I decided to completely give up and let him calm down. After reassuring him that we were not going to torture him anymore, we started for bed. I was glad that at least Rhett had gotten him to take the pills, even if it involved physical force and the assurance that he would never trust us again. As Cam was breathing in heavy sobs, I noticed that his cheeks seemed extra cushy. I told him to spit out whatever was in his mouth and there in my hand plopped 2 1/2 soggy tablets of amoxocillin.

I called my mom (yes, it was 10pm but I was in a very acquiescent state), and asked her for her last-ditch advice, hoping it didn't have anything to do with bread. She didn't have many new ideas, which frustrated me more, but she did point out (in so many words) that I paid FIFTY-FIVE dollars for this five days of HELL and I had better stick with it. While I was on the phone with her, Cam came downstairs to the kitchen where I was leaning on the counter in exhausted defeat and non-chalantly said he wanted a milkshake. A milkshake??? At 10pm? It's time for bed, you just brushed your teeth, we just had a knock-down, drag-out insubordinate fight and NOW you dare ask me for a milkshake?? ...how about a strawberry one?

Needless to say, three sips were all he could take until he was AGAIN dramatically gagging and wincing in "pain." And believe me, I put in a MASSIVE amount of strawberry syrup to cover up the taste, but it is no use.

I surrender. And we will go back tomorrow for the shot.