Moments Like This

Cameron doesn't see me very much so he will often want me to hold him. He wants me to do this when I'm cooking, cleaning, sweeping, eating, sleeping, watching tv, talking on the phone and especially when I'm on the computer. I love Cam, but I hate having him sit on my lap when I'm trying to finish something. If I'm just surfing or looking at photos or something, I don't mind having him sit on my lap too much but he is constantly moving and kicking and pushing and getting in my face and blocking my view and it makes me so uncomfortable. But I will put up with it sometimes because I'm his mom and moms were created to have their kids make them uncomfortable.

Today, I was finishing up paying some bills on the computer and then checking replies to an email I sent to my brothers and then I wanted to blog. Cameron was busy playing a game in the other room so I tried to sneak in to the computer and get it done, but a few minutes later, I was sighing a defeated sigh as I heard him come in and start whining and kept saying, "Hold me! Hold me!" I tried to be nice and say, "I would love to hold you as soon as I'm finished," but he wouldn't take that for an answer. He was pestering me over and over and was almost starting to throw a huge tantrum. I could not believe this kid!

I kept thinking how I never get a free moment to myself and why do I even try to do these things while he's awake and why can't he just go back in the other room. I even contemplated giving him a time-out for not listening to me when I said to go back to his game and I would come get him in a minute. I could feel the stress and anger starting to build up inside me but I kept my cool because I guess I was almost finished and poor little guy had been with the babysitter all day. I told him why I didn't like him on my lap while I was working but now he was saying, "Hold me," so innocently and sweetly and that he'd promise to be still. I reluctantly and a bit irritatedly picked him up and plunked him down on my lap. I had finished my post and was viewing my blog to edit it for the fourth time when Cam said -
"Hey, Mom! It's our song!"
He pointed to my music player and the song "Godspeed" by the Dixie Chicks. I played it and we snuggled while I sang to him.

"Godspeed, Little Man. Sweet dreams, Little Man. Oh my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings."

I gave into his cuteness and was kissing and hugging him and rocking him like my little baby bear and then, without realizing it, I was lost in my thoughts about a billion other different things and the song finished and went to the next one. I came back into focus and this is what I heard -

What a dying world re-defines, the reasons we strive to exist
Refrain control and we're bound to learn the meaning of moments like this
Cuz in the peaceful lull, the quiet ..
Seduced by the promise of bliss, we soon forget that nothing's happened yet
We're living for moments like this

So hold me, whisper gently this is what we live for, how we learn who we are
It defines us, ever reminding us that life never is more precious than this

From the dim light in the greyness, the aim of the soul tends to miss
then the clouds catch fire and the oceans pitch
we're made for the moments like this

So hold me, whisper gently that there's nothing to fear
You'll always be near, to remind me, to stand behind me
Although life can be rough we can never give up

It's in our power to face the storm with all its fury and madness
The flash of thunder will be harnessed with the longing and sadness
The clouds will grey.

Hold me.
Whisper gently this is what we live for, how we learn how we are
It defines us, ever reminding us that life never is more precious than this
Hold me. Whisper gently that there's nothing to fear,
You'll alway's be near, to remind me, stand behind me
Although life can be rough we can never give up.
(Alison Krauss "Moments Like This")

My brother calls them synchronicities, when something in your life happens in more than one place at the same time and it is meaningful but a slim chance that they would happen so randomly, and I come across them all the time. Like when you're on the phone and you say something right as the tv says the same exact word. Synch. Or when Cameron wanted me to HOLD HIM, and then the song that came on sang "HOLD ME." Synch.

Even more than a synchronicity, this was a slap upside the head reminding me that his life as a four-year old is precious and I shouldn't waste moments like that by being self-consumed or irritated. I should spend it cuddling and snuggling and loving and strengthening his self-worth and confidence and trust in me as his mother.

And then, after we were finished snuggling, he threw a huge tantrum about not being able to wake up Brenden from his nap because I had done it first and then he was suddenly fine and turned into a hyper monster who wouldn't eat his dinner and ran squealing everywhere he went and fought me when it was time to take a bath.

Thank heavens there are Moments Like This to counteract moments like that.