Maple Butter Sauce

I'm sitting here at 12:20am (on my birthday) shutting down the computer and I realized I have homework to finish. I promised the girls that I homeschool that I would bring some kind of dessert tomorrow (today) to either make or just enjoy in celebration of my birthday. To be honest, I was excited when we talked about doing it, but all day I have been totally STRESSED OUT trying to decide on one thing. It's ME we're talking about here - I don't have just ONE favorite treat or dessert. There are multiples. And be it that I am a Libra or that I am just a pig, but I can NOT make up my mind and make a decision. There are too many scrumptious things out there that I would love to eat in honor of my birthday - ice cream cake (especially the ones from Cold Stone - I have had one of those on every occasion there is or every occassion that I can make up), cookies, cheesecake, carrot cake, ice cream sundaes, candy bars (Twix, Snickers, peanut butter M&Ms, etc.), banana bread, banana cream pie, fruit smoothies, fruit sorbet, raspberry bars, those awesome magic cookie bars (google it and then drool with me), white chocolate raspberry anything and the list goes on and on. AND THEN, I remember one of my favorite desserts from Apple Bees, that white chocolate chip blondie with maple butter sauce. MAPLE BUTTER SAUCE!!!! Have you been privileged to bask in the warmth of this amazing dessert? I don't think they even offer it anymore (plus,how often can you sacrifice your taste buds to eat at Apple Bees just for the dessert??) but all of a sudden I am online doing a google search for the recipe and suddenly there it is! In all its glory!!! (thank you Al Gore for inventing the internet!!!) I almost have all of the ingredients, too, so you KNOW what I'm having for my birthday dessert!

But...why would a decision like this seriously stress me out? Is it at all related to the panic attack I had when I was trying to make those little scrapbook-y cards for the scrapbook club that I had been invited to and couldn't make a decision on what to glue or cut next?? I mean, this was a serious mental breakdown with crying and everything just because my stupid little cards weren't turning out the way I wanted them to! Maybe turning 30 means that you start to become more aware of your imperfections that have shown up in your life for the past 10 years (when life really counted?) and you start to realize where your limitations are. For me - making a decision. If you ask Rhett, I have always been this way and "can't make a decision to save my life," but I just know that the rapid heart palpitations, the cold sweat, the shortness of breath and the overwhelming dizziness that brings me to tears from making a decision all comes from the aging of my psyche - my thirty year old alter ego that has started a full-body take over... slowing down my digestive system, snipping at the roots of my luscious locks and even changing the well-oiled functioning of my nervous system at the mere thought of a decision.

"Maybe I should just embrace this inner demon, this budding new ME in my thirties,"
I contemplate, as I pull strands and strands of hair off of my shoulders and chest and realize that they are still somewhat attached, still holding onto the other hairs on my head, a possible metaphor for me still trying hold onto my "youth"). Maybe I'll call her Claire (yes, with an E on the end) and keep her around for a while and have HER make the decisions and just keep reminding myself that CLAIRE is making me panic and stress out and it's her fault! Phew....glad I can blame that on someone. I'm getting too old to not have a scapegoat.

PS Claire made me obsess about turning thirty and write this post. I didn't want to publish it, but she MADE ME.