Just Believe?

It's the year 2000 and I am searching for educational software for my classroom at Diablo View Middle School in Clayton, CA. I find a Franklin's Reading Adventure CD-rom at a second-hand store and buy it and it is a fun addition to Language Arts time.

Fast forward to this evening when Cam finds this CD and tries to play it, unbeknownst to me, in our PC. Cam calls me to him because the computer has become a frozen wasteland with Franklin in mid-sentence and I am unable to force it to quit, ctl-alt-delete it or even just restart the whole computer. Cameron, distraught and insistent, wants me to fix it and says it is "Not Reading." He points to the top corner where it says "Not Responding." Pretty close for a three and a half year old. He is about to go into melt-down mode about me getting it to work and as I am attempting to get him to take deep breaths and calm down, I hear these words come out of my mouth -

"Maybe Santa will bring you a new one."

Santa?? ...What the? Why am I suddenly deciding to begin to perpetuate the lie of Santa, his flying reindeer and the ability to bring toys to every child in the world in a single night? It's so nonsensical and deceptive and blasphemous and...magical?
Seeing the twinkle in Cam's eye, I forget my earlier pre-mothering convictions to never start this whole Santa-charade and before I can really evaluate what I'm saying, I casually begin to tell him we should write Santa a letter and tell him about it. Cam suggests we write it on the computer, so we agree to send an email to Santa and tell him about the broken CD and how he wants a new one.

Not sure how to do this, I do a search online and find a website called emailsanta.com where you can send Santa an email and he will immediately send you one back. You can also check Rudolph's web cam, read Christmas jokes, print up coloring pages, play Christmas games and etc. etc. It becomes very apparent that Cam is LOVING this idea and wants to type. He does a pantomime of me typing and enters gibberish to Santa, all the while mumbling and excitedly interjecting ideas and Ho-ho-ho's. We click send and a letter comes right back with Cameron's name throughout the letter. Cameron is ecstatic to hold the letter in his hands and also wants to print some coloring pages and "leave them for Santa."

What have I started? I really didn't have any intention of immersing Cameron in all of this but here it is. I always had the idea of talking about Santa as a pretend story that is fun and magical and festive and brings joy to people, but that it is PRETEND. Rhett loves the idea of Santa but I've always been leery of all of this. Is that weird? Am I being a Scrooge? What I am trying to protect him from? Or do I really feel like you shouldn't lie about things like that? It's such a big part of our culture that is everywhere and unavoidable but I'm just so unsure of what to think of it when it comes to lying to my own children. I know, I know, it's not really LYING, but it just seems a little deceptive.

Of course, the idea of constantly reminding Cam to remember to be nice to his brother and listen to the babysitters and not say mean things to friends and to always share or else Santa won't bring him presents is SUCH a FABULOUS coercion that I am finding so convenient and such a relief when I am at my wit's end.

Can Santa just be the spirit of giving and not all this froo-froo "Night Before Christmas" stuff?

Do we have to go all out and get into every aspect and detail of this odd story?

Is it a magical imaginative story that simply gives us something to keep the kids busy with during the holidays?

Can you justify putting so much emphasis on Santa and not see anything about Jesus on tv or in stores or on the computer?

Can the Polar Express just stop being on tv twice a day and making me feel guilty?

Is that weird that I feel guilty when I watch the Polar Express?

I didn't have a traumatic experience when I was little and actually, the times I believed in Santa were when we live in Germany and it was St. Nikolaus who came and gave us candy if we were good or put sticks in our boots if we were naughty. I loved it then and I definitely love the idea of Santa for other people's kids, but I'm just wary of starting it in my own family. Once you start it, you have to keep it up....all the deception, hiding the presents, putting out the milk and cookies and the reindeer food, watching the news for Santa's sleigh in the weather report, balancing the Santa excitement and then the sometimes confusing Nativity story, the explaining why Santa was at the mall and at Walmart in the same night, dealing with stories from the kids who don't believe anymore, or whatever else might come up everyday. It seems so exhausting!! Maybe I'm trying to avoid conflict and the future story revealing the truth? Maybe I'm lazy? What is wrong with me?
Why can't I JUST BELIEVE?!